It Was Never A Mystery.

Theres a mysterious box next my bed when I wake up in the morning. Attached to the box is a note that reads “Open me, if you dare.” Do I open it?

Of course I do. I can’t resist an open invitation that dares me to unveil a secret. What’s inside of it? My heart is racing thinking of all the possible, scary things that could be inside. I would expect it would be something that would make me face my deepest fear. Something that will challenge me to overcome an obstacle I have been facing my entire life. Something magnificent that only comes once in a lifetime. What’s inside the box?

I set the inviting note aside. I undo the ribbon. I lift the lid off the box carefully and see this grand little gift waiting inside for me to find it. It’s not just one item. It’s 3. One thin silver piece of glass, a small stack of delicate, almost sheer sheets, and long, slender rod the size of my hand. A mirror, paper, and pen.

This is my grand, mysterious gift. What am I supposed to do with this? I know exactly what. I should just put them back in the box. I can do this any time, any day. Why today? Why is there enough paper to last me the rest of my life?

Because it’s going to take me the rest of my life to look in this little mirror and write myself a note saying I’m Sorry. I’m Sorry, because I said all those mean things to you when I was younger. I’m Sorry because sometimes I still say those mean things when I don’t feel so great, and I think putting you down is a good idea. I’m Sorry because I let other people treat you horribly when you didn’t deserve it. I’m Sorry because I thought you were ugly, and told you, while looking you straight in the eye. I’m Sorry for not loving you the way others have. And I’m sorry for loving you the same way others have. I’m Sorry for telling you that you are not good enough for anyone to love, and that you should kill yourself. I’m Sorry for making you think you were a burden to your family. I’m Sorry for giving you a hard time when you were only trying your best. I’m Sorry for not believing in you when you needed someone to. I’m Sorry for still doing some of these things today, when I know you are not deserving of this. I’m Sorry for withholding love from you.

The problem is there isn’t enough paper in this box to write you all the I’m Sorrys that you need to hear. And I’m Sorry for that, too. There are enough I’m Sorrys to last me a lifetime and a half. Am I supposed to write each one and read this to you? I won’t be able to look into this little mirror and look you straight in the eye while I say these apologies that should have been made a long time ago. Or should I leave this box alone? It’s no longer a mystery what I have to do. I just have to love you. That’s all I’ve always had to do. That’s all you ever wanted from me.


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